I don't have money for a therapy how do I deal with this?

I don't know about paying for therapy but i do sympathize. Maybe its time to focus on yourself and not worry about a man. Not every guy is the same as your father/stepfather type people. before you can have a good relationship you have to learn to respect yourself. what happened is not your fault, you were a child, it was the responsibility of your parents to care for YOUR needs. I had a similarly bad childhood and now i have kids. So i can take solace in giving them the care i was not given. Not saying you should try to have kids, just saying that if you make the best of what you have you will have done a good job of it.